It’s been almost a year since I decided to run away with Mei. One year since I thought I knew what I was doing. A year since I gave up everything because I couldn’t imagine living without her. And now I don’t have to imagine.

I close my eyes, lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. Why did she walk away and leave me with nothing but a one-sentence goodbye that turned into bottomless pain? If she’d known she’d die, would she have stayed or was being with me that awful? And how did it end for her? I see Chaz on a beach with a hole in his head and grimace at the thought of Mei, cold and still…wherever her life ended. I’ve wondered a million times if it was Nick. Or was it one of his guys?  It all goes back to him somehow, I know it. And if she’d just talked to me and we’d worked out whatever was bothering her, she’d be alive. We’d be—

I slam every mental brake. I’ve spiraled too many times and discovered there’s no end to it, only more pain.